THIS IS NOT A TIRE

June 8th, 2009

Oops, you cannot fix that mistake…You cannot… Socially awkward moments have zero recoverability! These moments are when you realize you’ve walked yourself down a path which ultimately results in your being verbally hanged. They are the worst types of social blunders. No one helped you or coerced you into the situation; you helped yourself so to speak. We’ve all done it. Perhaps you were nervous in a new group, conceivably missed a crucial part of the conversation, or hoping to impress a potential mate you contributed to the discussion; which results in an unrecoverable comment that will have you looking for the rock nearest you to crawl under. Truthfully it’s more of a glitch. Evidently the switch that protects us from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time does appear to ‘go off line’ from time to time. It fails to fire and you are left with a mouth full of your own ungainly foot. It’s as if watching yourself channel the past mistakes of others and embracing them as you pose that fatal, I mean final, remark.

Ever heard the expression ‘can’t shoot a man that’s going to hang himself?’ Ever say it to a co-worker trying to console him the day he is given the news that a good friend hanged himself? No? I hope I’m the only one who can own that extreme beauty! Oh yes, I totally said it. I was on ‘hang’ when I realized what I had just said. In my defense (of which I have none) he was talking about how he should have done more, or how he wished his friend would have come to him. So it seemed fitting at the time. Clearly not fitting!

We all make mistakes, but when you do not see someone and later tell them that you didn’t see them and walk away again you cannot foster friendships. No conversation, no interest in what is going on in her life. Ever have that person be the current girlfriend of your first love? Well, not sure of the after conversation between those two, but I don’t think I’d really want to be around. These things happen, and will continue to happen. The mouths of your friends drop as you tell them what you did, but as mentioned earlier, there is no recovery. Offenders Anonymous (OA) …could I be on to something? Only if we are willing to admit our transgressions with groups people. Can you image the conversations around that water cooler?

Pregnancy…what’s the rule? Never ask, imply, infer, or otherwise inquire about a woman’s condition unless she first brings it up. It’s the silver rule. We all know the Golden rule. This is the runner up. Much like the Golden, we don’t always hold true to the guidelines. No one wins here. She goes home and cries because of the conclusion formulated in the mind of another that she was ‘with child’ when it was just a Buddha Belly (I would stop eating for a week if it happened to me.) You on the other hand, once you found solid footing again, go home and think about how tragically ruined her night was based exclusively on your comment. Furthermore, you’re trying to figure out why you said it…what possessed you to say it in the first place?

One of the most important things to remember about ‘mis-speaks’ is everyone has an example, even the tidiest of people. Quite honestly it could be the largest self help group, easily taking the place of AA for the largest organization in the U.S. Per example, I was sharing my latest gaffe with my hair stylist; and she had numerous stories of her own failures and offenses. She, unlike you, then had the pleasure of cutting said customer’s hair after verbally gutting her.

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