THIS IS NOT A TIRE

Rotating doors are designed to allow the greatest number of people to move in and out of buildings with minimal loss of heat and air conditioning. Furthermore they’re built with the allotment of 2 people with bags, at airports specifically. Yet we see it time and time again…3 people with bags. The door jams and no one goes anywhere and the mice stop moving and begin pointing fingers (I’ll bypass via the sliding doors just round the corner, sorry power bill). I’m looking at you, oh yes, you sir…he who squeezed in the revolving door, it’s your bag stopping the show. Once released from the glass jail and into the airport, people continue to scamper from line to line, not realizing that there is very little they can do to affect the rate unto which they reach their final destination. Think of it like a doctor’s office; it’s going to take much longer than you expect, but you will get seen in the end. Status means very little when there is no plane.

Airports, Oh traveling, people who don’t have motor memory skills with regards to parking at their local airport, find moving about the country fun, and exciting! Waking up in one part of the country and having a night cap in a new time zone, it’s just darling. But, and this is a big butt (oops, an extra ‘T’ on the end…I’ll go with it…as in some cases, it is correct) those who travel regularly, and not for fun, usually adopt one of two attitudes when travel gets tough. This I think has to do greatly with how much you enjoy your life at large.

The first group, Fly-ist Maximus, tends to push their way through lines with a sense of entitlement; even when the exodus of said particular terminal is on time…you’ve seen him, the guy who stands next to the gate agent waiting even though he has a seat AND gold status with said airline. Self crowned, when issues arise waving his saber, which only he can see, approaches the gate agents, yelling; complaining to anyone who will listen. They help fire up the chants of injustice due to the late departure. This group, oh my, they hate the airport, and nonetheless they just won’t give it up. Perhaps home is worse than the road…

Everyone has a great story of how bad things were at airport XYZ…it just takes one time to scar travelers…
Was it weather that cancelled this flight?
Because if its weather you don’t have to give me a refund?
Oh, the other connections are over-sold?
My my, what will I do? Stay in a crap hotel?
Then bus it back here in the morning?
Classic!

There are many careers I would not like to pursue; however, at the top of my list (at least, today) is and airline gate agent. So little control, and yet they have to bear the brunt of the pain. I’m guessing a late arrival and subsequently late departure is just as much a headache for them as it is to travelers. They have lives outside the terminal as well, and surely they would like to live them. Yes, gate agents have more information than we do; however, like travelers no control…this certainly isn’t happening

“Gate agent to tower, over”
“Tower here, over.”
“Yes, I’m going to need flight 437 on the ground in the next five minutes, got it”?
“Totally, sorry…not sure what we were thinking up here…lots going on, but 437 is on its way in, with priority, over”
“Thank you, Gate A34 over and out.”

The second group, The Pacifists, makes back- up plans via whatever means are available, and rest. Knowing a long night is on the horizon, its key to conserve energy. Its as if they took survival training in a different aspect of their life and have the smarts to overlap it to travel. Fluids (non-acholic, I know…its quite shocking, but its true) and cell phone chargers are key to making it out alive.

Rest assured you as a passenger are no more important to the airlines than the checked baggage under the plane.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Many of you know, some of you did not… thus I will start from the beginning (pun totally intended). 
A few months ago a friend came to me with a news paper clipping about a museum opening in Kentucky.  The premise of the museum is to explain how the earth was created by god in 6 days, and resting on the 7th. According to the creator of the museum, the earth is a grand total of 6,000 years old.  A friend and I decided that we should visit and see for ourselves this scary place that is trying to keep people in the dark ages.  Off we went, driving all the way to Cincinnati (staying on the Kentucky side).  We followed a PRO-life bumper sticker to the museum (at the speed limit of course, but wait…that would be a man made law, thus we are not subject to it…no mention of speed limits in the bible last I checked, which I must confess was a long time ago).
Essentially the people responsible for this “museum” attempt to account for dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden (as there was nothing before it) Thus, clearly there were dinosaurs roaming around Adam and Eve…  Not to mention the boat ride these dinosaurs took along with all the other animals’ god created.
The “museum” entrance hangs a large sign with the phrase “same facts different starting points” A video running in a loop presents a creationist anthropologist and an evolutionist anthropologist playing nicely on a dig site… these two explain how the facts are the same just the starting point, billions of years difference, sets the tone. Once in the exhibit, posters are side by side with two titles “Human Reason” and “God’s Word.”  Then listed below are small differences between the two, and always discrediting human reason with a verse from the bible (that should do it then, eh? The world is only 6,000 years old, right? Geneses 1:1, isn’t that all you need? Yup, I believe it is…). None of the scientific facts validated in volumes of books cross referenced around the world have no clout on a book written in a time when ‘Man’ thought the earth to be flat and the center of the universe. 
Oh yeah, that is the catch phrase you see everywhere while on the property, “Prepare to Believe.” I have a few questions: why must I prepare? Any chance what you are saying isn’t true, or even remotely true?
Original sin accounts for many of the “problems” we see today…gays, chromosomal mutations, starving folks, wars, carnivores, and clothing. Oh, yes… did you know that only 6% of adults in America believe the bible word for word (thank god for that, but considering the other information being presented here I’m weary of this “fact” as well).
The life size scenes which contained Adam and Eve just on the verge of an intimate moment (mind you their bodies were positioned just so…so you could not see any of their good bits, but they were not clothed), there was always a dinosaur of sorts lingering in the background. Per example: Jungle scene, Adam and Eve arm in arm with leaves ever so conveniently covering the parts that matter. Off to the left of these two lovers, a Velociraptor. Don’t worry, he is eating the leaves of a tree (this is a pre Original sin, as state before; every creature is vegetarian at this time). Sorry, I have to give you one more example: This time our famed couple is in a river, and lily pads are located precisely in the right place. Above them in the trees is a huge snake. The colors of the snake red and black, and he has a huge diamond shaped head.
Did you know that the center of the earth is water? No, nor did I… but according to the creation museum, this is where the flood waters came from…shooting up through the layers of the earth, through the crust, and finally killing everyone save for Noah and his family…(whom by the way were the only people depicted with dark skin. Everyone else in the displays… white people…)
I would like to inform all of you about how un-nice and un-considerate the people were who were visiting this location.   It was sad, no… it was pathetic how anyone who bumped into me… waited for me to say something before they would say “I’m sorry” back, or even look at me, never conceding that contact had been made or that they were in error. Also, as at other museums I have visited over the years people attempt to be consciences of their position relative to others around them; conversely, at this museum people did not care if they were in your way, or look behind themselves to make sure they were not blocking anyone else by stepping there…  Aaaarrrrggghhhh, and yet laughable!
We took pictures of the parking lot both on the way in and on the way out.  The lot was packed the entire time we were there with sheriff directing traffic (Oh, think the state you are originally from would not be there…. Try me… but I could tell you it was most definitely present).  And the numbers of 15 passenger vans, with church names printed along the side, were out numbering cars like mine.  Minivans and large sedans very popular as well!!! Families with more kids then they new what to do with were also quite common.    
This brings me to the next great aspect of the “museum,” the gift shop.  How many of you think the gift shop had an anti theft system???? Hummm? Well, I thought about this as I was walking out (not stealing, ass holes!!!).  These up-standing moral visitors would never steal, would they? I will add… they would not be successful, the gift shop is ready… oh yes, go for it, I dare you!!! And let me tell you what will happen (I know you are just dying to know); a gate will drop down from the top of the door was and crush you.  I do not know the amount of pounds of pressure it will press on you once it slams down on your body, but I can’t imagine it being very good for you. How do I know this? Well my friends, there was a story told with pictures…I would seem an eye for an eye is taken very seriously at The Creation Museum.  

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »